


The Art of Seduction

by Pas_Cal



Series: Memoirs of Maria [4]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/M, Happy Ending, Humor, Mild Sexual Content, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 15:00:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8537569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pas_Cal/pseuds/Pas_Cal
Summary: Maria is a very physical being. She rather enjoys sex and all things related, so when it's come to be two whole months since her and Ivan have been intimate, she decides it's about high time that changed. Always the strategist, she comes up with a surefire way to remedy her problem.Surely nothing could go wrong?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Unbelievably, this was started in September 2015 and I completely forgot about it. How 'bout that?

 

**Prelude**

It had been two months since their last romp under the sheets. Two months exactly. Maria knew. She kept count. And for a woman like her two months was an absolute lifetime. But it couldn’t be helped, she supposed. Ivan was always caught up with work and more often than not, that took precedence over his love life, much to Maria’s chagrin. It was almost insulting that he picked pen and paper over her, but she had to remind herself that he ran an enormous country, and with that came an enormous amount of work that Maria was not allowed to help with.

He was always up at the crack of dawn, or six o’clock when the sun decided to stay hidden during the winter months, and he didn’t return home until twelve hours later. That was how long his day was. Every day. Monday through Friday, and occasionally he’d step out for more work on Saturday and stay hidden away in his office on Sunday.

Meanwhile Maria was left to her own devices, keeping the house clean, reading books, flipping through the television trying to find something halfway decent. Other times she’d sit and listen to the radio or, when desperate, she’d fly all the way back home just to clean her brother’s house or annoy Anneliese. She didn’t have a job, after all. She could speak the language just fine, but her inability to read Russian sort of put a hamper on her being able to find a job in town that suited her. Perhaps that was something she should work on…

So she’d cook and clean and do all the house-wifey chores she could without actually being a wife, and Ivan would come home and eat and retire to his office and then bed.

And Maria was left frustrated and feeling incredibly alone and unacknowledged.

This dry spell had to change, Maria decided. Ivan was working too hard and he needed to take a step back and breath, relax a little. Maria made up her mind to try and find a way to woo Ivan back into the mood and get back into the groove of their relationship once more. All she had to do was find what made him tick.

 

**Act I: A Man Loves a Woman in His Clothes**

The first plan was simple. Acquire a piece of clothing from Ivan’s half of the dresser, and wear it and nothing else. It was simple enough to strip down and pull on one of his button up shirts. It was loose, as expected, and went clear down past her thighs, but that was just fine. All the more a surprise for Ivan when he found out what she wasn’t wearing underneath.

Sure enough, Ivan came home half past six, shrugging off his coat and heaving a sigh. “I am home, Masha…!” He called.

That was her cue.

Ivan lifted his gaze up from fiddling with his cufflinks to see Maria slide out from behind the archway to the kitchen, leaning up rather suggestively against the wall. Her long hair was tousled, cheeks pink and a coy, come-and-get-me grin spread across her lips. It didn’t take him long for him to realize she was in his shirt. It was impossible not to with how enormous it was on her.

“Hey there big guy.” Maria grinned, cocking her hip a bit. “Long day at work?”

Ivan frowned, brows furrowed as he nodded stiffly. Maria was up to something…

That much was obvious but Ivan was never that adept at understanding what it was she was up to in situations like this. Actually, most times Maria’s actions were simply completely beyond him. She’d once cried when he’d eaten a rabbit shaped chocolate in front of her, for instance.

“Yes, the meeting today dragged on for ages. I thought I’d never be able to come home.” A hesitant smile crept onto his lips as he walked over to her. He leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. “But I am here now. Sorry to have kept you.”

“Oh, don’t sweat it. You can just make it up to me.” Maria caught him by the collar, holding him in place. That smile of hers turned absolutely devilish and Ivan couldn’t help but worry for his life a little. She was small and cute, but he knew full well the power she’d had back in her prime. She was very much capable of being quite the formidable force if she wanted to.

“Ah…” Ivan cleared his throat, looking somewhat uncomfortable. “I will…” Make it up to her. Yes, he could do that. He rubbed at the back of his neck, mulling over how to go about that. “Tomorrow I will make breakfast.” He nodded.

Maria’s smile fell.

“Yes. I have tomorrow off so we can have breakfast together.” He smiled.

Wait. Wait, no, that wasn’t what he was supposed to suggest. Maria pouted up at him, releasing his collar. Then she stepped back and pulled up on the bottom of her (read: his) shirt to show off her milky thighs. Ivan watched, looking more confused than anything.

“Is everything alright…?”

Maria glared at him. “You haven’t said anything about what I’m wearing.” She huffed.

“Ah, yes. Well it- Isn’t it a bit big?” He asked hesitantly.

Ivan didn’t seem to quite grasp what she was going for. Maria narrowed her gaze up at him, waiting a few more moments for him to hopefully understand what she was trying to do.

But he didn’t. He motioned vaguely toward the kitchen instead. “Shall we start dinner?”

 

**Act II: A Man Loves a Morning Surprise**

So the wearing his clothes thing didn’t do the trick. Maria, despite the setback, was not the least bit deterred from her mission. Every day that went by was another day where she wasn’t getting laid by her man and that simply was not okay. She had needs, dammit!

She ended up waking quite early the next day, before Ivan, in fact. She laid in bed, staring up at the vaulted ceiling with a deep crease between her brows and her hands folded atop her stomach. A new plan of attack was needed. One that would certainly garner his attention. Perhaps trying to seduce him wasn’t forward enough? Ivan tended to be a little dense when it came to those sorts of things but-

Christ, the man’s favourite literature genre was _romance_. How could he possibly not catch on to the whole seduction thing?!

Maria quietly sat up and turned to face Ivan. He was still asleep on his side, facing away from her and curled around a pillow. Didn’t even have the decency to cuddle with her… The bastard. Ah well, sleeping was the perfect time to attack. She’d pull him out of his slumber oh so pleasantly. All she needed to do was find her point of attack.

She started with his neck. At least that much was exposed. She leaned in to kiss at the pale marked flesh, and just as expected, Ivan gave a small little jolt, tensing up a bit in his sleep before relaxing with a soft breath. Her fingers roamed over his back, sliding toward his front as she laid more sweet kisses against the sensitive skin. She even managed to pull out a soft hum from him! Finally, some leeway!

She’d hugged up right against his back, fingers just barely beginning to slide under the hem of his pajama pants when Ivan abruptly, and quite suddenly…

               …rolled over right on top of her.

Maria wheezed, flailing a bit when his heavy weight settled against her. God, he was heavy. Incredibly heavy. Fuck- Fuck! She-She could still salvage this! She could! All she had to do was—

“I-Ivan…!” Maria started to smack at his shoulder with her only free arm. “Ivan…!” She gasped. “Can’t breathe! My arm’s falling asleep!”

Ivan, however, simply snored on. It was his day to sleep in, after all.

 

**Act III: A Man Loves Classy Lingerie**

The previous attempt had been an utter failure and quite an embarrassment. Ivan had woken up a few minutes later to find Maria passed out and looking a little blue in the face. When she came to, she gave him a good smack on the cheek and ignored him for the rest of the day.

He sort of deserved it, really, but at the same time Ivan was absolutely baffled as to how, in all the years that they’d been together and shared a bed, it was only then that she ended up crushed beneath him in his sleep.

All the same, Maria was just more driven to try and complete her mission. Although she didn’t attempt anything the rest of the day, she still had plans for the large man.

Like surprising him with some rather nice, risqué lingerie with lace embellishments. A deep royal purple that went rather nicely with her complexion. It was a fail-safe idea. How could he _not_ get the hint when he walked in on her sprawled out suggestively in bed, dawned in the finest garment France had to offer. She’d put on her best bedroom eyes and have her long curls tousled in just the right manner to make her look even more alluring.

It was guaranteed to be a success. This she was sure of.

When Ivan came home, exhausted and tired and more than ready to just skip dinner and go to sleep, he did not expect to find what he did. He opened the door to his bedroom, and there in all her beauty was Maria Beilschmidt, sprawled out over the sheets in a gorgeous lingerie set.

Asleep.

Because his latest meeting had run two hours late and the traffic was terrible even for that time of night.

Ivan shut his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and closed the door.

 

**Act IV: A Man Loves ~~Naked Women~~ Dumplings ~~~~**

Maria was about ready to just jump the Russian bastard and tie him down. Or perhaps put him in a class on how to identify calling cues on what a partner wanted. Was she being too unclear? Perhaps she wasn’t forward enough? What could she possibly do to get the point across to her thick skulled Russian beau?

She was desperate. Her last attempt had fallen flat, along with every single attempt before that. What was a woman to do?

No better way than to just go in the nude, she figured. And hey, with no clothes it was one less thing to worry about.

And so as it was, around seven o’clock Monday evening, Maria sidled in to Ivan’s office wearing nothing but a bathrobe tied off loosely around her waist. She stood herself in front of his desk, shoulders squared and a determined glint in her eyes.

“Ah, Mashunya.” Ivan smiled so warmly when he looked up at her, clearly happy to have a little break in the paperwork. “I’m sorry, I’ll only be just a little longer. You haven’t started dinner yet, have you?”

Maria pursed her lips. Not even a comment about the robe? Okay. Not like she should have expected anything, he’d hardly said a word about her wearing his shirt a few days prior.

“Actually, I have.” Maria started, a bit of a smirk playing on her lips. Something Ivan definitely took note of. “Care to know what’s on the menu? It’s somethin’ real special.”

Ivan immediately perked up. “Your dumplings?!”

Maria’s heart broke just a little bit. Lord, this man. This adorable sweet large Russian man was just too cute and so so excited over the prospect of boiled dough she almost felt _guilty_. She hadn’t even attempted to start dinner and now she had to tell this man that no, in fact, she had not cooked her super delish secret recipe dumplings.

Keep it together, Maria. There were other things at stake here.

“Guess again.” Maria’s smile widened a bit, fingers playing with the tie around her waist, loosening it just the slightest.

“Ah…not dumplings, then…? Mm…” Ivan folded his arms on the desk, looking pensive for a moment and entirely too disappointed about the prospect of not having arguably one of Maria’s best dishes.

It was gut wrenching.

The guilt was all consuming.

Ivan was trying to guess what was for dinner, but there _was_ no dinner.

Maria caved. Her shoulders slumped and her hands fell away from her waist, looking the epitome of defeated.

“Yes. It’s dumplings.” She conceded. “They’ll be done in forty-five minutes…”

 

 **Act V:** **A Man Loves Bedhead**

“You slept in? That’s unusual…” Ivan remarked as Maria shuffled into the living room.

Maria didn’t really grant him a proper response. She stifled a yawn, still knuckling the sleep from her eyes. “Yer leavin’ already?” She mumbled.

Ivan paused in pulling his coat on, watching amusedly as Maria shuffled over, arms outstretched not unlike a zombie. It took a few moments, but she managed to nestle against his chest, arms wrapped loosely around his torso and head tucked under his chin.

“Yer not s’pposed to leave without sayin’ g’bye.”

“I would never do such a thing.” Ivan looped an arm around her, his free hand coming up to brush through her mess of haphazard curls. “Seeing you like this in the mornings is the highlight of my day.”

“What’s that s’pposed to mean?” Maria frowned up at him as he tucked a stray curl behind her ear.

“I mean you are beautifully incoherent and adorable in the mornings.” Ivan quipped easily, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead, and then another to her cheek. “And you seeing me off always makes me feel better about the day ahead.”

Maria fell quiet, her cheeks dusted in a wonderful shade of pink. It brought a soft smile to Ivan’s lips and a warmth in his chest.

“Goodbye kiss?” Maria requested sheepishly.

“Of course.” Ivan didn’t hesitate a moment before he leaned in to kiss her proper that time. She was always so docile in the mornings. Like a defenseless little rabbit.

Maria hummed appreciatively, arms moving to slide up over his shoulders and hold him there. It didn’t take much to coax a little more than a chaste kiss out of him.

But time was of the essence.

The kiss broke, and Ivan began pulling away.

“Hey, no, wait. Get back here…” Maria whined. “I wasn’t done!”

Ivan ruffled her hair playfully, letting out a soft laugh. “I have to go or I’ll be late, Masha. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Work can wait. Get back down here and kiss me again!”

“Good bye, Maria.” Ivan chuckled giving her cheek a soft pinch, and then he was out the door.

Maria stood there in the foyer, lips pressed into a thin line. Only when she heard the car engine start and Ivan pull out of the drive did she finally let out a holler and kick at the door irately. “God _damn_ it!” Was followed by a rapid string of curses and “Ow! _OW!_ Fuck!” as she hopped on one foot and clutched desperately at the other.

Perhaps the kick had been a little excessive.

 

**Act VI: A Man Loves Dirty Talk**

Maria was out of ideas. Ivan was unseducible. If she’d managed to drop the bathrobe like she’d planned before, he probably would have just sputtered and yanked it back on her. He hadn’t even tried to wake her when he found her sprawled out in that fancy lingerie! What kind of man just let that be? He got more excited about her damned _dumplings_ than he did about her draped in one of his own shirts.

She was done. Maria was throwing in the metaphorical towel and finally starting to come to terms with her inevitable celibacy.

“If you let your lip stick out any further, someone might step on it.” Ivan remarked amusedly.

Maria huffed childishly, pulling the blanket she had draped over her shoulders around herself a bit more tightly. Ivan took a seat next to her on the couch, the cushions dipping under his weight. It caused Maria to roll a bit and bump against him, however she didn’t bother to move. It’d mean having to extricate herself from the blanket cocoon she’d conjured up and she was rather having a nice time sulking where she was.

“What have I done this time?” Ivan finally asked.

Maria started a bit. “What do you mean?”

“Well…we’re the only two that live in this house. And from what I recall you haven’t really had much to do with anybody these last few days so whatever it is that is upsetting you must be my fault, yes?” Ivan tilted his head a bit, watching curiously as Maria frowned up at him. “Are you still mad about me rolling over on you?”

“No. But that does have something to do with it.” Maria sniffed, petulantly turning her gaze back to the television.

Ivan pursed his lips a bit, humming thoughtfully. “Then it is about you trying to seduce me.” He stated.

Not a question.

Slowly, Maria lifted her head, turning her wide gaze toward Ivan’s. “You sonovabitch,” She breathed. “You knew this whole time?!” Ivan sheepishly raised his hands in mock surrender, a small smile curling up at the edges of his lips.

“Well, finding you sprawled out in bed wearing practically nothing but lace was sort of a giveaway.”

“You _knew_!?” Maria screeched. “And you didn’t _do_ anything?!”

“Of course I didn’t.” Ivan frowned. “Though it was amusing to see you try.”

Maria looked like she was about to cry. Not an uncommon thing with her, really, she was an easy crier. She’d finally unfurled from her blanket cocoon, fingers fisted into the fabric so tightly her knuckles were white. Well, whit _er_. “ _Why_!?”

Ivan looked amused now. He folded his hands in his lap, relaxing in his seat. “Because you were trying too hard.”

“Of course I was trying too hard! I was desperate! Do you have any idea how long it’s been?” Maria demanded. Ivan seemed to hesitate, brows furrowing.

“I…no. I don’t really keep track…” He admitted.

“Two and a half months.” Maria practically wheezed. “Two and a half months and it’s like pulling teeth just tryin’ to get a kiss out of you. How does that not bother you!?”

To that, Ivan gave a small shrug. “It’s not something I think about.” He said simply. “There are more important things. For me, I’m just happy to have your company.”

Oh.

Oh, way to make her feel _guilty_. Maria slumped forward, face buried in her hands. Of course he’d go and say something so sweet and simple. Of course _he_ didn’t have to have sex to be happy. He was such an emotional being compared to Maria. To be fair, though, Maria was equal parts the type who needed physical affection just as much as she needed emotional affection.

But she needed a lot of both.

“Does it really bother you so much…?” Ivan asked curiously.

“Considering the events of the past week or two? Yes. Yes it does.” Maria bemoaned, finally just falling away from Ivan, collapsing on her side in a miserable heap. “Not something you think about.” She scoffed, glaring at the muted television in front of them.

“I’ve never really had to.” Ivan reminded her. “Not until you.”

“Load o’ bullshit. You just don’t want to kiss me.”

“Actually, I rather find myself wanting to kiss you all the time.” Ivan hummed, stretching his legs out a bit and crossing them at the ankle. Maria threw him a sidelong seething glower in response. “But as they say, all good things in moderation.”

“Kissing is not a good thing, it is a _great_ thing.” Maria corrected. “And great things are meant to be indulged in. All the time. Like, say, when you’re super cute and sexy girlfriend is fetchingly draped in one of your oversized shirts and _nothing else_.”

“It’s only oversized on you.”

“That’s not the point, Braginsky.” Ivan grimaced. He was in trouble. “The point is I want you to _fuck_ me.”

Ivan cleared his throat awkwardly, turning his gaze to the side rather embarrassedly. “Yes, I, er…I did catch on to that.”

“So I’ve been told. Now why, in God’s beautiful abundant green earth have you decided to utterly _forsake_ me?” Maria pushed up on her elbow to look at him a little more directly. The initial embarrassment from her previous statement had seemed to finally abate and he was able to look at her once more.

“Well…” Ivan shifted, thumbs twiddling in his lap. “May I be honest?”

“I’d rather that than frank.” She deadpanned.

“I was wanting to see how far you’d go.” He answered hesitantly. Maria narrowed her gaze, finally sitting upright entirely, legs crisscrossed.

“You wanted to what…?” She asked tersely.

“See how far you would take it.”

They sat in silence for a few long moments, Maria boring into him with her gaze and Ivan gradually beginning to shrink away from it. What exactly had he been expecting, Maria had to wonder. Costumes? A little dance number? Both could have been arranged but now that she knew he had _known_ this _entire time_ she was rather fantastically pissed off and ready to just swear off physical affection all together and take up the nun’s habit once again.

God, that was a nauseating thought. If she was going to swear off anything it was setting foot in a nunnery, no matter how much her immortal soul needed it.

“You know what I’ve been thinking this entire time?” Maria finally said. Ivan shook his head mutely, rather afraid to speak given her current expression. “That you didn’t love me anymore.”

“That’s ridiculous, Maria. Of course I still—“

“But you wouldn’t _show_ it, you asshole! I need that physical affirmation! I need kisses and hugs and god, above anything else, a good orgasm every now and then would be _great_!” Ah, he was embarrassed again. So easy to do that, wasn’t it? His face had gone red and he looked away once more.

And then, quite suddenly, the metaphorical lightbulb flickered on.

“I want you to hold me.” She said quite a bit more calmly. “And kiss me till my lips are sore.” Maria reached forward to touch at his hands, which were clasped together quite tightly now. “And run your hands all over me. _Touch_ me. Make me feel good.”

This was mean and even she knew it but it was the first bit of progress she’d made in, oh, two and a half months? She was willing to continue at the expense of Ivan’s embarrassment.

“I always liked how gentle and warm your hands were. Especially when you run your fingers down my sides or up my back. When you hold my hips…” His ears were scarlet and Maria knew without a doubt his blush went clear down his neck, too. He was just like her on that account. Couldn’t hide a blush worth anything. Maria trailed her fingers up his arm, feeling him tense as she continued. “Mm…and when we’re all tangled up in the sheets—“ Ivan gave a short cough, looking away pointedly. “The way you move so deliberately an’ kiss all the right places…” She purred, shifting so her lips were next to his ear. “The way you make me feel so _full_ …”

He prickled; shoulders hunching and knees drawing in a bit. Ivan’s lips had pressed into a thin line, brows furrowed. Maria grinned wickedly, ready to mount her final attack (read: Ivan).

But abruptly, he stood, and Maria fell forward, face first into the cushions.

“I just remembered I have a meeting with Putin.” Ivan said rapidly.

And bolted.

 

**Act VII: A Man Loves Advice**

“Are you still ignoring me…?” Ivan asked hesitantly over breakfast three days later. Maria remained silent, nose turned up, gaze turned down to the plate of food she’d fixed up for herself. She wouldn’t even touch the blini he’d made in an attempt to apologize.

Which was saying something considering it was one of the few native dishes of his she loved.

She’d even gone the extra mile of sleeping on the couch. Ivan was surprised, honestly, that she hadn’t gone ahead and booked a flight back to Berlin while she was at it. She’d been angry at him before, but usually after about two hours she caved and came crawling back demanding affection and warbling out apologies.

This? This was excessive. She wouldn’t so much as _look_ at him now. She wasn’t even doing her cute little pout thing. Maria, quite honestly, had the epitome of bitch face on. There was no other way to describe it.

“I said I was sorry…” Ivan tried again. “I truly mean it. I just got overwhelmed.” Silence followed. Awkward… “It…I’m not used to…people don’t usually speak that way around me. Ever. About me.” He cleared his throat as if that would give him the boost in confidence he needed. No surprise, it didn’t. He just felt more awkward and guilty.

Maria silently stabbed her fork into her breakfast sausage link and took a petulant and rather violent bite off the end.

Ivan felt his soul crumble just a little bit. His mouth went dry.

“If there’s…If there’s anything I could do to, erm…to make it…up…to you…” He started, distracted by the way Maria seemed adamant in slicing the aforementioned sausage link into sloppy pieces. Brutally. Honestly it was cruel and quite painful to watch and he sort of feared for his dinnerware…and other things. “Masha, please at least speak to me…?”

Maria’s gaze flickered up to his. Such an icy cold stare! It was frightening! How was _he_ the one who came off as intimidating and scary to the others when Maria was sitting there with a look that’d put the devil to shame!

Oh, the anxiety was absolutely crippling. And only getting worse each day. He had half a mind to hide all the knives in the house but Ivan knew better. Maria didn’t need knives to do damage.

She was doing plenty just then with her facial expressions and food choices alone.

 

* * *

 

He called Francis for help while at work later that day.

“It’s been how long!?”

“I- Yes, I realize now it’s an excessive length of time, but I didn’t know it was an issue!” Ivan buried his face in his free hand, the other holding the receiver to his ear.

“ _Merde_ , Ivan, how have you not wasted away? Cute little thing like Jules readily at your disposal and you leave her wanting for nearly _three months_! Unbelievable. I’m ashamed of you.”

“Yes. I am aware. Please help.” Ivan said weakly, slowly starting to slump over his desk. He’d been so anxious about Maria he hadn’t been able to concentrate on his work hardly any and it was starting to pile up. Made for a decent pillow, though.

Francis let out an overdramatic sigh on the other end of the line, no doubt pinching the bridge of his nose. “Honestly, my friend, I’m at a loss. The last time she gave me this sort of treatment was when Napoleon was running rampant around Europe.”

Silence.

“You cannot honestly be telling me the severity is the same.” Ivan said flatly. “Because as I recall, when Napoleon was your boss, she’d lost half her land and a little brother.”

“ _Oui_.”

“And you very nearly sacked her nation entirely.”

“Mhmm.”

“This is an entirely different situation.”

“Not really.”

“I…I think so? Very much so?” Ivan sat up straighter. “I have not killed anybody or taken anything this time.”

“The circumstances may be different,” Francis started. “But the situation is the same. Only perhaps less bloody and brutal.” Ivan wasn’t so sure. He was still haunted by the image of Maria tearing her sausage to shreds. “Maria is a very forgiving woman, Ivan. She’ll come around.”

“Yes, but with you that took _decades_ if not an entire century. I live with her, Francis.” Ivan reminded him. “She won’t even kiss me goodbye anymore. Today was the first day she even _looked_ at me!”

“Ah! But it’s progress, _non_? You see?”

“If you had been there you would have seen how it most certainly was not.” Ivan let out a breath as he leaned back in his seat, rubbing at his temple. “She didn’t leave, at least…” He added quietly. “I’m not sure what I would do if she did… Even so, with how she’s acting, I might as well be in that house all by myself.”

“So melodramatic.” Francis scoffed. “The fact that she stayed says enough.”

Ivan hummed softly, swiveling in his chair back and forth idly. That was true. She _hadn’t_ left. But perhaps she’d only stayed just to spite him before she did finally take her leave. Just thinking about it made his chest ache. Surely she wouldn’t leave him over something so ridiculous? Of course not.

“Alright. Here’s an idea for you, if you’re willing to listen.”

“I will accept any assistance offered.” Ivan said desperately.

“ _Bon_. So, here is what you should do…”

 

**Act VIII: A Man Loves Lips**

So perhaps Maria had been a little harsher than intended, that much she would admit. Didn’t change the fact she was angry with Ivan. That being said, evidently she had guilted him so much he decided to take the couch instead. She certainly wasn’t going to complain. The couch was smallish and rather cramped. Easy to sleep on, sure, but not as comfortable as the bed.

Their large, California King bed with soft feather down pillows and warm cozy comforters. It was like sleeping on a cloud.

An abnormally large…oversized…empty cloud…

Alright, so with the couch it was easier to ignore the whole sleeping alone thing, but now that Maria was curled up under the covers in a massive bed all by herself, it was really starting to become apparent. And yes, it bothered her. A lot, actually.

It was nearly one in the morning and she was still wide awake, staring at the empty spot next to her where Ivan would typically sleep. Ivan the dumb jerk who couldn’t take a hint and who got embarrassed over the stupidest things. Super jerk.

Ugh, but he was a soft jerk. And a warm jerk. And his jerky kisses were super nice and gentle and he had the fluffiest hair and prettiest eyes…

Handsome jerk.

Maria let out a frustrated groan and rolled over to face the other way, pulling the comforter up to her chin. She was supposed to be mad at him and here she was _missing_ him. He was just downstairs; it wasn’t like they were terribly far away from each other. She _could_ technically just sneak down the stairwell and— No! No, she was mad at him. She would _stay_ mad at him. That was that. Maria sucked in a deep breath and let out a sigh, cinching her eyes shut and hoping the sandman would finally make an appearance.

Inevitably, he didn’t. But someone eventually did.

Ivan had a bad habit of being very very sneaky. For a man of his stature he was surprisingly quiet. But his weight did tend to work against him. Floorboards would creak or, say in this instance, the mattress would dip as he crawled under the covers.

Bastard thought he was pretty slick, didn’t he? Maria had half a mind to kick him out, but the small tickle of fingers at her waist and the soft warmth of a pair of lips on her neck stopped her.

She pretended to be asleep.

His arm gently curled around her middle as he came to rest behind her, hugged up against her back. His fingers splayed out over her stomach, lips pressing idle kisses against the exposed skin of her shoulder. Oh, it took everything in her not to tense up. Stay relaxed, Maria. Deep even breathing. Don’t give it away.

But it would be so easy just to roll over and kiss him!

 _And_ , she also reminded herself, wasn’t he sort of finally giving her what she’d been after all this time?

She felt Ivan hesitate. He paused briefly, taking a few calming breaths. Nerves, she figured. Probably terrified she was going to fork him.

“Maria…?” He ventured quietly, anxiously. “Are you awake…?”

She gritted her teeth, still caught between giving in or remaining adamant in her refusal to acknowledge him. Evidently it wasn’t as subtle as she thought. Ivan let out a soft laugh.

“Aha. I knew it. So you are.”

“Am not.” She bit out, followed quickly by a hushed “ _Goddammit_.”

No sense in pretending anymore. Maria heaved a sigh and finally shifted to lay on her back, head tilted to look at him. It was dark, but enough moonlight filtered in from the window to illuminate his features. Ivan shifted so his arm hung over her waist a little more comfortably. His other arm he had tucked beneath his pillow.

“How long are you going to stay mad at me for…?” He asked.

“As long as it takes.” She quipped in response, drawing a frown in his brow. He didn’t seem as put off, however. “How long do you plan on groveling?” She parried.

Ivan’s response was simple. “As long as it takes.”

He brought his hand up to cup her cheek, drawing a thumb over her lips rather tenderly. Maria, reluctantly, left him to do as he pleased. It felt rather nice, after all. She rather wished he’d touch her more. But, y’know, in other places.

“I miss you, Mashunya…” He said softly, sweetly, breaking the silence. He let his fingers dip back into her hairline, carding through her curls and pushing her bangs back out of her face. “Terribly.” He added for effect.

Russian bastard was milking it.

Maria tried to hold her ground, but the fingers against her scalp were distracting and sort of made her thoughts go a little fuzzy. Soon it wasn’t even just his fingers in her hair, it was his proximity to her. His large broad chest was just _right there_ and ripe for the touching. His lips within kissing distance, hair at a suitable range to be tousled.

“What do you want?” Maria tried to keep her voice even. Tried desperately. Failed spectacularly. It was rather hard to keep her gaze up on his face.

Somewhere between the couch and the bedroom he had taken off his nightshirt. He never slept without one. Which lead Maria to assume he had _planned_ this.

“To kiss you.” Ivan replied easily, a soft, innocent smile spreading across his lips. “Just once…?”

Maria eyed him warily, feeling all sorts of warm and giddy when he brushed a thumb over her cheekbone and trailed his index finger down the line of her jaw.

And continued trailing it down over her collar bone, travelling further south to her naval. Maria had to shut her eyes and press her lips together, trying desperately to hold on to any bit of coherent thought she had left. There was a rather loud repetitive “ _Jump him!_ ” ringing through her head that made it hard to concentrate.

She exhaled sharply and finally looked back up at him. “Alright. Just once.” She relented. “But use it wisely.”

Ivan smiled leaning in to close the distance. “Not to worry,” He reassured, forehead resting against hers. “I will.”

And then he pulled away and disappeared under the covers.

Maria gawked a bit, pushing up on her elbows to watch the large lump that was Ivan shift downward. “Hey! Idiot, my lips are back up here! What are you—“ She let out a squeak and fell silent when she felt his hands on her knees, pushing them apart.

“That is where you are wrong, Maria.” Ivan said cheekily, voice muffled from the comforter over his head. His hands slid up over her thighs and pushed her night slip up over her hips, just as his fingers hooked into the hem of her panties to yank them down.

Well, to be fair, she had told him to use that kiss wisely.

Boy did he ever.

 

**Act IIX: A Man Loves Vacations**

“We need to come to some sort of agreement.” Maria sprawled out on top of Ivan, still trying to catch her breath and steady her tingling nerves.

“How do you mean…?” Ivan laid rather prostrate beneath her, exhausted. The sun had finally begun to rise, peaking over the treetops and filtering it’s golden rays into the room.

“Like you make it a point to sleep with me at least once a week.” Maria dragged herself back upright, still straddling his hips. She had yet to actually, well, _dismount_ , so her movements made Ivan twitch and tense a bit. Everything was still rather hyper sensitive, after all.

“That sounds agreeable…” He hummed, tilting his head as he looked up at her. Even he had to admit she made for a lovely view like this. Peppered with love bites and flushed all over, curls cascading over her shoulders in a tousled mess. Practically glowing in the morning sunlight.

“Promise?” She cocked an eyebrow, hands resting on his lower stomach.

“I promise.” He affirmed, giving a rather amused smile. “Believe me, after this, I will be making extra sure you are happy and taken care of.”

Maria hummed and leaned down over him, pressing a kiss to the jagged scar over his heart. “I’ll hold you to that.” Her hands slid up along his sides and over his chest, causing a shiver to run up his spine. “Sorry I got a little carried away…” She added in sheepishly, trailing her kisses up along his neck until she sprawled over him once more and kissed at his lips. Ivan gently cradled her in his arms before making the move to roll over and pin her beneath him, deepening the kiss considerably.

“All is forgiven.” He reassured when the kiss broke. “I simply request that you don’t ever ignore me like that again. It’s rather terrifying.”

Maria grinned wickedly at that. “Didja like the bit with the sausage?”

“Very effective.” Ivan nodded. “But traumatizing. You’re forbidden from ever eating it again.”

Maria gave a snort. “Yer kiddin’, right? I’m _german_. It’s kind of a staple in our diet.”

“Precut only.” Ivan attempted to compromise.

“Well that’s simply not possible, then I’d have to cut you out of my diet too.” Maria quipped. Ivan frowned down at her confusedly until she gave her hips a wriggle to try and make her point.

“Oh for goodness— _Maria_!”

She erupted into a fit of cackles while he buried his face in the pillow behind her. “I’m sorry! You just- I couldn’t not say it.” Her giggles died down a bit and she wound her arms over his shoulders. Ivan reluctantly lifted himself back up to look at her, cheeks absolutely scarlet.

“You used to be a _nun_.”

“Yeah, used to be. That’s the key phrase there.” She reminded him. Maria cupped his face in her hands, leaning up to give him a quick kiss, followed by a second and a third, until once more they rolled and Maria found herself on top of Ivan, carding her fingers through his hair while his hands gently trailed over her back and sides.

“What else needs to be agreed on…?” Ivan mumbled into the kiss.

“Your boss is an asshole an’ you need to work less?”

Ivan hummed, hands falling to rest on her hips. “I agree, but I doubt it will be possible.”

“A vacation, then?” She countered. “To somewhere nice and warm.”

“Like Italy?” Ivan suggested, watching as Maria immediately perked up and started grinning.

“Like Italy!” She agreed. “One of the towns along the coast! With a beach! No, a _private_ beach. We’ll have our own little getaway. Just the two of us. Like a honeymoon without the actual getting married part. And we can hit up bars and go dancing.”

“And drink fine wine and be serenaded at dinner.” Ivan laughed. “That sounds wonderful. For how long?”

“At least a week. Maybe two? No, a month.” Oh, he wished she’d be a little less excited. She was getting bouncy. He tried gripping her hips a little tighter to keep her still.

“I doubt getting a month off is very viable for me.” He reminded her gently.

“Then two weeks. It’s settled. I’ll hash out all the reservations and such. Feli’ll give me all the good discounts.”

Ivan shifted beneath her, biting on the inside of his cheek. “I’m sure it’ll be wonderful.” He said rather tersely.

“Think of it, Ivan. Our own little private vista. We can sprawl out on the beach together. I’d wear the cutest little bikini I could find and you’d rub the suntan lotion all over me. Passionate kisses under the setting sun…”

“You’re doing this on purpose.” He accused, voice rather hoarse.

“And afterward we’d scamper back to our room to shower and clean up.” Maria went on, grinning wickedly. “A nice, warm, relaxing shower together. Or maybe a bath. Mm…a nice, hot bath. Tangled up in the tub together. Bodies pressed against one another, not a bit of space between us. Rather like this.” She pressed feather light kisses along his throat, delighting in how his fingers curled against her a bit more tightly. How his hips gave the subtlest upward movement.

Ivan breathed out a soft curse. It was like music to Maria’s ears.

“You up for one more?”

“Are you giving me a choice?”

“Not really.” Maria grinned.

“Then I suppose that answers it.”

 

**Epilogue**

Ivan had always liked warmer climates. The sun shining brightly, clear blue skies stretching for miles, interrupted sporadically with a fluffy cloud here and there. The gentle breeze that warmed his skin. He could have done without the sunburn, but the modern age had supplied ways to prevent that. Even so, as pale as he was, it was Maria he was more worried about, but she seemed to handle it just fine after about two coats of sunscreen.

Lucky for her it sort of blended in with her already pale complexion.

Ivan was content to just sit back and relax underneath the umbrella, watching Maria scamper up and down the beach chasing the waves and any crabs she found, looking for seashells to add to her little collection. She really had picked the cutest bikini set she could find. It was frilly and black with light pink polka dots and no doubt rather expensive.

But it did look very, _very_ nice on her petite frame. Even Ivan couldn’t deny that.

“Are you just gonna sit there like a sand bum or are you gonna have a little fun?” Maria chided, trudging back up to their little shady spot where Ivan had taken refuge with a book. “I mean I know we’re here to relax but you can read at home.”

“I’ve actually been quite enjoying the view.” Ivan watched as she plopped down on the blanket beside him, still dripping and glistening from the ocean water. She’d kicked up a fair amount of sand on her trek over, so the bottoms of her legs looked rather comically tan and gritty.

“Well you can only have so much fun by yourself. You’re not gonna tell me you don’t know how to swim, are you?” She quirked a brow at him.

“Of course I can swim.” Ivan huffed. “Quite well.”

“Then why don’t you get off your ass and come have a little _fun_?”

“Simple.” Ivan sniffed, turning his gaze back to the book in his hands. “I don’t trust you.”

Maria gaped at him. “Now what’s that supposed to mean!?”

“You’ll try to push me under.” He flipped the page. “Or pull my trunks down. I know you, Maria.”

“So little faith.” Maria clutched at her chest. “After all the time we’ve spent together…” She feigned wiping a tear from her eye. “I’m hurt. Very hurt. You say such awful things, Braginsky. Think of it this way.” She leaned in close to him, pulling at the hem of his shirt. “It’s all gonna come off at some point anyway. You might as well come to terms with your demise. And beyond all that, it’s a private beach. We’re the only two here.”

Ivan’s gaze flickered toward Maria’s, noting the crooked grin that had taken it’s place on her lips. After a few moments, he finally snapped his book shut and set it aside, releasing a sigh. “Alright.” He resigned. Maria gave a fist pump and sprang back to her feet, grabbing at his arm to help him up.

Just as soon as he was upright, Ivan bent down and scooped her up in his arms bridal style.

“Hey! Ivan, wait a minute! Not fair, you weren’t supposed to— Wha- wait, what are you doing!? Hey! _Hey_! My hair’s not wet, I didn’t want it wet!”

It was comical to see her try and wriggle herself free. She flailed and kicked and tried to roll out of his hold, but to no avail. He made it thigh deep into the water, and then easily flung her out into the waves. She screamed clear until she hit the water and flailed in such an undignified manner Ivan couldn’t help but erupt into a fit of laughter. When she resurfaced he was hunched over near in tears.

“ _Arschloch_!” She hollered, switching from their typical Russian to her native tongue. “ _Das war nicht fair_!“

“Ah? What’s that? I can’t understand you.” Ivan giggled, straightening up as she waded toward him. The water was about a foot deeper for her than it was for him, making it a little harder for her to work against the pull of the waves. Significantly harder, really. Ivan was a sturdy fellow. Maria might as well be a twig compared to him.

“That was extremely rude! And mean! Do you have any idea what this is gonna do to my hair!?” She lurched forward and fisted a hand in his shirt to hold herself steady.

And then preceded to try and pull him down into the water.

It was a comical effort. She had her feet planted on his knees and her arms around his neck. The most she managed to accomplish was make him bend forward a little.

Ivan just stood there and smiled while she struggled, effectively climbing all over him trying to make him fall. But Ivan just wriggled his feet into the sand and planted himself where he stood. Eventually Maria gave up, hung over his back with her legs circled around his waist and arms locked over his shoulders.

“Are you quite done?” Ivan asked, tilting his head to look at her. She had her face buried in his shoulder, no doubt pouting as she typically did. After a few moments she finally let go and dropped into the water behind him.

And promptly grabbed hold of his swim trunks to yank them down.

“ _Maria_!”

She erupted into a fit of cackles as he hastily pulled them back up, face blazing. Maria wasted no time in making for her getaway, quickly turning toward the beach to make a run for it. “Serves you right!” She hollered, only to let out a shrill yell when he all but tackled her into the water. He grabbed her around the waist, hoisting her over his shoulder. “Oi!”

“That was very mean of you.” Ivan started trudging back to shore, absolutely drenched. The shirt he’d worn now clung to his torso rather uncomfortably.

“I was just havin’ a little fun!” Maria whined, smacking at his lower back. “Put me down! _Ivan_!”

“No, I don’t think I will.” He bounced her a bit to get a more comfortable hold on her. “You deserve a time out.”

“I’m not _five_! Ivan, come on, you can’t be serious! I- Hey, where are you going?”

“Back to our place.” Ivan hadn’t even bothered to stop to collect their things, trekking back up to the beach house they had rented for their stay. “You were very naughty, Masha.”

“So what are you gonna do, punish me?” She huffed.

“Perhaps.” Ivan hummed thoughtfully.

“Oh, well in that case, hurry it up, Big Guy. I’ve got a lot to make up for.”


End file.
